Just Like We Planned
Every parent looks forward to the due date of their child, especially the mom. She has known this child in the womb. They hang out literally 24/7. Yet the intricacies of their image and the sound of their voice have yet to be experienced. As we met with doctors we were encouraged to formulate a birth plan, to which we rejoice but also a death plan. Now this may seem cruel but if you have seen the statistics for Trisomy 13 you can understand why this was necessary. I want to share the perspective my wife had during this time period as it is a beautiful and sacrificial thing. She choose to do everything in our power to “give her the best chance for life.”
Most children diagnosed with Trisomy 13 miscarry in the third trimester. Many that make it to full term do not survive the birthing process. Many families are encouraged to choose “comfort care,” which is another form of euthanasia. In a later article I will discuss this because it was an option for us until Lillian received her tracheostomy. But back to our story.
As we know the birthing process is violent in many ways to help produce life for the child. For example, the compression upon the child as she is pushed through the birthing canal is like a jumpstart to the lungs to help her survive once she is outside the womb. It’s amazing. Each child is a miracle that we can praise God for.
My wife’s desire was to give our daughter the best chance for life. After hours of prayer we decided that a C-section was going to be the best option. It would minimize the trauma for our daughter even though it would increase the pain and recovery of my wife. Her loving sacrifice to the wellbeing of her body for the care of our daughter is praiseworthy! Our daughter is here, who cares about that scar. It is a badge of honor and a source of pride. She can proudly say I chose this for the betterment of my child something all loving parents do on a regular basis to the glory of God.
Within the details of our birth plan we had to make decisions that no parent should have to make. Decisions like should we resuscitate our child if she is not breathing. Or how long do you want to hold her if she passes away? We saw this as an opportunity to challenge our doctors perspective and hope in her diagnosis.
If Lillian had no diagnosis without question the doctors would do whatever it took to keep her alive. Yet because of her diagnosis we had a “choice.” How diabolical is that. I do not have that authority, that is the authority only the Author of life, our Lord Jesus Christ. As Job cries out “The Lord gives and the Lord takes away, blessed be the name of the Lord.”
If you are faced with this question let me encourage you with this simple question we asked over and over to the doctors. “What would you do in this situation if she didn’t have a syndrome?” We asked this to challenge their presumptions and to get the treatment all children need. I must again reiterate, up to this point they still weren’t 100% certain she had Trisomy 13. And I must praise and thank our Doula as well. She loves Jesus and loves children and was an incredible advocate and support as she knew what we wanted and she knew our perspective and in the heat of the moment she helped us stay true to our beliefs. She was our first line of defense.
We regularly spoke to our doctors and said we want to pursue life. Do whatever it takes to help her have life and regardless of her situation of life or death, we will praise the Lord and live by the principal that our God is a God of life and He alone is in control of that situation.
It is a glorious testimony to have peace in the midst of chaos. Complete trust and belief that Christ can save her and sustain her life but also peace that if she passes, she is in the presence of our Lord in a better state than ever. It’s a balance. Its in the fire of trial that the Christian ought to thrive. As you embark on this journey with your child please read, memorize and believe Philippians 4:6-7 “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”
Pray, ask, be thankful, be honest with God. Your understanding says have anxiety. The peace of God can supersede your understand and guide you to the Giver of peace. It’s unexplainable and yet completely rational because we are trusting the words of the God of the Universe who spoke our existence into reality, who created everything out of nothing, and who describes Himself as love! Take heart and believe this word Jesus spoke: “These things I have spoke to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.” John 16:33
