The ‘Call’
What do you do when ‘that’ phone call happens? We all fear ‘that’ call. Someone calls us bawling unable to get the word out. Your mind starts racing, you get a huge rush of adrenaline preparing your heart and mind for the news that is about to come. Its moments like this that time stands still.
After finding out we were pregnant with baby #4 my wife and I decided we wanted to get the NIPT genetics test so that we could see the gender as early as 10 weeks. With Elle (baby 3) we waited until birth to find the gender so we figured we would try something different with this baby. My wife was fully convinced we were having a boy! So getting the test done would give me guidance on whether we were to donate all of our girl stuff or hold onto it. To clarify we have 3 other girls and totes full of girls clothes so from my perspective it was more efficient to have another girl but if we weren’t I wanted to donate all of that to clear up space in the garage because everyone loves a clean organized garage or maybe it’s just us dads.
We went to the OBGYN appointment on December 1st hoping to have the results but they were not available. The staff was encouraged as we were told no communication at this point is a good sign. I left three days later for a Christian Conference in Orlando, Florida.
While in Florida I got ‘that call.’ At that point nothing else matters, I had no idea what was going on and as she choked out the words that our daughter might have trisomy 13 I’m silent. I have no idea what that even means nor how serious it is. I have never even heard of Trisomy before this moment but after she shared the statistics she researched I understood the gravity of the situation and the future looked grim.
As I heard the odds of her survival and the death rate of children with Trisomy 13 I was devastated. I’m over 2000 miles away unable to comfort my wife except through the phone all the while my mind is racing as I try to comprehend what this means for our baby and family. I am two days into a four day conference with believers I don’t know very well.
So what do you do in this moment?
I believe its in these moments that we cannot take in new information. We have to rely on what we already know especially when it comes to our relationship with God. To use a sports analogy, this is game time. All preparation up to this point is done, we cannot prepare anymore, it’s time to execute.
So I reminded my wife of simple, yet profound truths about our God. He is good and loving. He knows our child, her ins and outs and He loves her deeply. What we know about God and what we think about God is expressly shown in moments of distress. Will He show up and provide comfort? Can I have joy in this period of suffering? Can I obey His word as He expressly says in Philippians 4:6a “Be anxious for nothing,” or “in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you” 1 Thessalonians 5:18.
In that very moment though its hard to even breath, let alone pray. That is why we need other believers. That is why Solomon writes in Ecclesiastes 4:10 “For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls, for he has no one to help him up.”
After hanging up the phone I did the one thing I knew to do, ran to my fellow believers in Christ and asked them to pray. The very moment I shared 10 guys I barely know rush around me and start praying. They start lifting my wife, child and self up in prayer. They grabbed ahold of me and the love of God expressly flowed through them to my family.
After calling out to God as a communicate one of my brothers pulls me aside and shared his story of losing his child in utero to Trisomy 13. His love and pain was palpable yet his hope was present. He knew the battle we were in for and he pointed me to the only One who can help.
This sharing in suffering instantly joined us together and these men still regularly ask how our family is doing and how our daughter is doing.
So why share this story? This will be a theme you will see throughout our stories and it comes from what Jesus says in John 13:35 “By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another.” But more on that later.
